Whether it’s putting across a different point of view, upholding professional standards or simply managing expectations, paraplanners need to master challenging colleagues without damaging their relationships, says Melissa Kidd, director of Motem Ltd
The stakes can be high. Challenging conversations are usually with important people over things that matter. They have the potential to strengthen or weaken a relationship and need to be handled with skill and care. It’s almost too obvious to say but preparation is key.
Start with the end in mind.
As communications consultant Andy Bounds says: “Effective communication is not about what you say, it’s about what people do, after you’ve said it.” So, what would you like to see as a result of your conversation? For example, do you want the adviser to improve the way they convey client objectives?
Mindset
Position yourself as being on the same team – operating at the same level. You’re not working for one or the other. If there is an incomplete file, then it’s both the adviser and paraplanner who are accountable.
Be solution focused
Aim to come up with a way to solve the issue – make life as easy for your colleague as possible. For example, is a change needed in your process? Or is it a training need? Some firms have created a meeting template notes with prompts to help the adviser ask the right questions. Some paraplanners have offered to attend client meetings so that they’re picking up the facts too. Others use dictaphones so that advisers can record their thoughts on the drive home.
Build psychological safety
When we feel safe, we can hear almost anything. But when emotions are running high, it’s hard for messages to make it through. Afterall, no one enjoys feeling like they’ve done something wrong, so the way you frame your conversation is important.
There are two main ingredients needed to build psychological safety: respect and feeling like the other person has our back. For those of you who read my previous article about the SCARF model, LINK this is about triggering the status and relatedness needs.
When these are in place, defences go down and we can listen and take on board what needs to happen next. For example, in the context of challenging an adviser on client objectives: “I’m sure you know the answer to this, I just need to get it out of your head and into the report…”
Impact does not necessarily equal intent
What assumptions are you making about this person’s intentions? Perhaps you want to raise how they speak to you, particularly in front of clients. You may feel intimidated, belittled, ignored, or disrespected, but be cautious about assuming that this was their intention.
A successful outcome will depend on two things: how you are and what you say. How you are (centred, supportive, curious, problem-solving) will really influence what you say. The majority of the work in any challenging conversation is work you do on yourself, often ahead of the conversation starting.
Relationship-strengthening strategies
It’s much easier to challenge a colleague when your relationship is strong. Taking some time to observe the personality styles of those you work closely with can help enormously. More on that another day!
Build the “emotional bank account”
This is an account of trust instead of money. The metaphor, developed by Stephen Covey, is based on how safe you feel with another person. Each time we communicate with our colleagues, we have an opportunity to make a deposit or a withdrawal.
When we say something kind, helpful, respectful, we make a deposit. When we find fault or deliver feedback poorly, we make a withdrawal. And so long as there is a good balance, the relationship can withstand disagreement.
Regular video calls
If you’re working remotely aim to hold these. It’s harder to build relationships over email. The margin for misunderstanding is much larger, as it’s difficult to gauge tone.
Make a list
If there are gaps in the information you need, make sure you’ve listed your questions so that you can go through them all in one go. It can be frustrating for advisers to keep answering a number of questions at different times. You then can concentrate on how to have the conversation rather than what you need to say.
Framework and phrases
In my workshops, a common question is “How do I begin the conversation?” This, of course, depends on what you’d like to raise. But if it’s about the way you work, you may say:
“I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively.”
There are, in fact, ways that you can position yourself so that your adviser or colleague welcomes your challenge. For example, if you’re in a meeting and you want to get your point across, you can say:
“Can I bring another idea into the mix?” Or “Do you mind if I challenge this point?” Or “Can I play devil’s advocate?” The act of them saying yes, or allowing you continue, means they’re more likely to be open to hearing your point.
Other questions could include: “Is there another way of looking at this?”; “Is there a different angle here?” Not forgetting: “What if we looked at it this way…? “
When you need more information for your report, you could say: “Before I start this report, I need xyz”. That way the adviser knows that if they delay sending it, the completion will also be pushed back. It’s a neat way of managing expectations and getting the information you need.
Once you’re underway but the adviser isn’t clear on why you need the information, you could use the following phrase, which I picked up from consultant Carla Langley: “How annoyed would you be if you knew that this advice was right for the client, but you couldn’t defend a complaint, because the file wasn’t complete?”
No matter how well the discussion begins, you’ll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose and your emotional energy. Challenging advisers, upholding standards and managing expectations are crucial communication skills to master. But with the right mindset, tone and phrases, you can rock the boat without falling out.
Communicate for Impact is an online self-paced programme, specifically for financial advisers, paraplanners and support staff. It includes 6 steps which have shown to increase efficiency, engagement and confidence. More information can be found at www.motem.co.uk
This article was first published in the March 2022 issue of Professional Paraplanner.
