What actually happens in a coaching session? And do you need a problem to solve before considering it? Wanting to better understand how coaching works, and whether it could benefit people working in the paraplanning community, Natalie Dawes – Editor of Professional Paraplanner, took part in a series of coaching sessions and shares what she learned.
I’d never experienced coaching before. Like many people, I had a rough idea of what coaching was, but I couldn’t say I understood how it worked.
When the opportunity arose to work with Holly Ewers of Holly Jade Coaching, I thought, if I want to understand coaching, the best way is to experience it for myself.
So I committed to the process and what I discovered was quite different from what I expected.
What exactly, is coaching?
Coaching has been defined in many ways, but one definition shared by Holly particularly resonated with me:
Coaching is the art of:
“Unlocking a person’s potential.”*
“It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them – a facilitation approach.”*
That description helped make sense of what I experienced.
Unlike mentoring, where expertise is shared, or training, where knowledge is taught, coaching focuses on helping an individual explore their thinking and find their own answers.
A coach guides the conversation, asks questions and encourages reflection, but they are not there to tell you what to do.
The relationship is built on openness and confidentiality, creating a space where conversations can be honest and constructive.
My biggest misconception
Before starting, I assumed I’d need to arrive at each session with a specific problem to solve.
I thought coaching was something people turned to when they were struggling with something or facing a significant challenge.
All I really needed to do was bring myself, along with a willingness to have an honest conversation.
Because of the circumstances that led me to coaching, our discussions naturally focused on my professional life, particularly settling into a new role and thinking about future development. But there was never any pressure to arrive with a fixed agenda or a list of things that needed fixing.
The coaching experience
One of the things that stood out immediately was how easy Holly was to talk to.
She has a calm, approachable manner that quickly puts you at ease. After each session, I often found myself feeling surprisingly relaxed and reflective.
What I found most interesting was that the conversation was largely led by me.
Holly wasn’t there to provide solutions. Instead, she asked thoughtful questions, encouraged me to expand on what I was saying and occasionally made observations about something I’d said or the way I’d expressed it.
Those observations were often the moments that made me stop and think, and I wasn’t expecting that.
There were times when a simple question challenged an assumption I hadn’t realised I was making. At other times, I found myself reaching conclusions that probably wouldn’t have surfaced without the conversation.
It felt exposing, but not once uncomfortable. Holly created an environment where it felt safe to be honest and curious about my own thinking.
And I have to admit, even now, writing this article I am still somewhat astounded that I took so much away from each of the hour-long sessions. It has certainly made me trust the process.
Protected thinking time
One of the biggest benefits for me was another thing I hadn’t anticipated.
The sessions gave me dedicated time to think.
That might sound obvious, but in busy roles we often spend our time responding to other people and moving from one task to the next. Genuine reflection can easily fall down the priority list.
Having protected time to step back and consider how things were going proved far more valuable than I expected.
In fact, that alone is enough reason for me to consider coaching again in the future.
Who might benefit from coaching?
Having now experienced it, I can see coaching being particularly valuable for people in leadership roles.
Leadership can be rewarding, but it can also feel isolating at times. Having an impartial person to help you think things through can be incredibly useful.
I can also see benefits for aspiring advisers, those looking to progress in their careers or perhaps those who have recently started a new role. The latter being me and I’d never even considered coaching before the opportunity to work with Holly came up.
Coaching provides space to pause and reflect, supporting you to explore your own thinking and behaviours in a way that can lead to new insights, a better understanding of yourself, and opportunities for further development.
What surprised me most
I started this experience because I wanted to understand what coaching really was and to see if there are benefits for people I work with in the paraplanning community.
What I came away with was an appreciation of just how powerful a good conversation can be.
I expected advice. Instead, I found a process that encouraged me to think more deeply and ask myself questions I hadn’t considered before. In doing so, I came up with answers that I didn’t even know I was looking for.
Sources:
Sir John Whitmore, Coaching for Performance (1992)
Main image: peace lily, lan-gao-Q8_8Dc0WIAI-unsplash
