How can paraplanners help prospective clients navigate big decisions when they have only just met them? Melissa Kidd, Director of Motem Ltd, offers some thoughts on how to build trust in a first meeting
More and more paraplanners are attending discovery meetings. Their presence can bring many benefits: another pair of ears to pick up on nuances, another person to ask the right questions – which can lead to increased efficiency when report writing and another point of contact for the client.
But the ability to connect and establish mutual trust doesn’t always come easily. Some clients will be nervous, some will be confident, some will have no idea about what’s involved or what they’d like their future to hold. So how can you help them navigate such big decisions, when you have only just met? Particularly, when you’re more comfortable analysing figures behind your desk.
Understanding what may be going through their mind can help a lot. Even though no two clients are the same, we all have similar psychological needs. And when we can tune in to these, we can turbo charge rapport.
For a client to make big decisions, think deeply and share their concerns, they need to feel safe. They need to feel comfortable asking a stupid question, sharing their dream (which they may not have told anyone), and exposing their vulnerabilities – perhaps poor previous decisions.
Without this psychological safety in place, the conversation will remain surface level and the connection is unlikely to deepen. This is often why the first questions clients ask are never the real question they want answering.
They may begin by asking a product-related question, such as which investment they should go for or which pension is best. But that’s not what they’re really asking. They often want to know whether they will have enough to live on in later life. But they don’t start there.
So how do you go about creating the conditions of psychological safety so that you can answer the big questions and develop trust?
The field of neuroscience can help. As we are social animals, our brains are highly attuned to those around us. We are constantly trying to decide if others are a ‘friend or foe’. No more so than when clients meet perfect strangers, such as advisers and paraplanners, to decide whether or not to hand over their life savings to them.
David Rock’s SCARF model shows us how trust builds and breaks. SCARF is an acronym, for the five key ‘domains’ that influence our behaviour in social situations. They are:
1. Status – our relative importance to others
2. Certainty – our ability to predict the future
3. Autonomy – our sense of control over events
4. Relatedness – how safe we feel with others
5. Fairness – how fair we perceive the exchanges between people to be.
When we get rewarded in one of these areas, we feel safer, can collaborate more easily and trust builds. Conversely, when one or more is triggered, we feel a threat response. It is hard for us to think clearly and trust takes a knock. Let’s look at each one, in the context of a first meeting.
Status
Do what you can to help clients feel important, included and interesting throughout the session. The way you organise the chairs, the genuine compliments you offer, the common ground you find, the interest you show and attention you give, all go a long way to help others feel high status.
Certainty
When things are certain, our brains can relax. But when there is a lot of uncertainty around, it’s difficult to concentrate. How can you provide as much certainty as possible? What do you do to manage expectations ahead of and at the start of the meeting?
For example, are you clear as to how long the meeting will go on for, the topics you will and won’t cover and your fees? You don’t want to get to the end of the meeting and the client to ask: “What about the fees?” They won’t have been able to concentrate on what you’ve been saying.
Autonomy
Many of us hate feeling forced into things. Clients may be worried that you’re going to pressure them into transferring their pension offshore or that they’re going to be tied into a long contract.
Do what you can to illustrate options and choices. Explain how you will support them to make the best decisions according to how they want to live and what’s important for them.
Relatedness
On first meeting someone, we judge whether they’re in our tribe, whether they will have our back and best interests at heart. You might do this through your process, fee structure or chartered status. It may be through how you communicate, listen and match their pace. Get comfortable with silence, don’t rush to fill it. When space is created and safety in place, they can share what’s close to their heart. And from there you can progress.
Fairness
When we feel something is unfair, it’s hard for us to get past it. How can you demonstrate the fairness of your approach through the meeting? It may be when they’re trying to get you to answer their technical questions about whether something is a good investment or not.
Politely respond that you couldn’t say whether it is a good or bad one yet because you don’t know how it needs to perform in the bigger context of their life. It wouldn’t be fair or professional.
First meetings are brimming with potential. Understanding how to tune into psychological needs is crucial in developing relational intelligence. Yes, we are wired for connection and the SCARF model can help us connect more deeply from the get go.
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This article was first published in the February 2022 issue of Professional Paraplanner.
